She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
