Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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