In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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