God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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