If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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