Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
