Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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