everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
