We won't sleep together?
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
