Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
