i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
