i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you win again, gameday.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
