Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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