just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
