Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
