I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
