Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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