3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I want a musical about memes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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