dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
