I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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