I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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