She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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