I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
