ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
