before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
