Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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