I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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