I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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