summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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