I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
