I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
