it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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