Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
