it was like eating out sand paper
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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