bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
