what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
