So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
