I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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