I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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