Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
