I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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