My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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