Apparently you make a good broom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
