i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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