You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
