I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
