I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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