The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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