I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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