I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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