you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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