Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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