My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
