you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
