i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he was CRYING into my vagina
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
