it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
