i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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