TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
