OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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