the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A+ Viking dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
