Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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