Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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