Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
