he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
