PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
