Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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