I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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