i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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