there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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