in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
