that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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