ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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